Whenever exciting things happen in my life, I am so hesitant to share it on social media even though I know there are people who would be genuinely happy for me and that want to know about said exciting things. It just inevitably feels like bragging – Like all I’m really doing is adding to the perpetual highlight reel while never sharing the bleak and boring moments. So I usually opt for sharing nothing and avoid the internal distress.
However, I had quite a lot of people ask me to post pictures from my recent trip to Ireland, so I figured I would.. only to be unsure of it the moment I started considering which pictures to choose. I immediately felt like I was curating the entire experience for the viewing pleasure of others and then it doesn’t even feel meaningful or real anymore. I just hate it. I hate the thought I give it; How much time it takes from my real, actual life. It feels dumb, and I feel dumb consequently. I start thinking I am the only one that goes through this and I am just silly because it’s not that big of a deal and everyone else seems to be able to use social media without issue. I mean hell, I used to be able to use social media without issue.
So what happened?
I care so much. Too much. Always have. I feel ashamed of that, and I think that’s the root of my struggle. I care about what I’m posting, and I want others to care too. I care so much that I take time and energy to express it just right, but at the same time I worry that it will be obvious I care too much. And that makes me weak.
Admitting all of this makes me feel weak.
Even going through so much just to write about my dumb experience of posting some stupid pictures seems so incredibly trite.
What’s wrong with me?